Day three: The one who endures to the end will be saved
Having made my confession yesterday, there was a lightness
to today that I had not experienced for a long time: a sort of freedom of
spirit, a sense of being my true self again.
I suppose that in the almost three years since I was last
here there has been a sort of running away from what I have been called to do.
There could be many reasons for that, many of which ought perhaps to kept to my
private journal.
The simple truth is that this place feels like home. I think
it is greater than just a feeling of “this is a nice place and I like it here”.
When I am here, I feel like I am being my fullest and truest self and there is
a real sense of belonging, or at least a great desire to belong more fully.
A couple of years ago I began a probationary year with a
view to becoming an Oblate of the Community of the Resurrection. This involves
living under vows: poverty, chastity, and obedience. I felt very called to
start the journey at the time but then ran away from it. However, that feeling
of call is back. I suppose it is a sense in which this is the place that feels
like home and I want to offer myself more fully to it and be more rooted in it.
I think I can do that now. I have felt lost for a long time and perhaps I
needed this wilderness time to find my way back home.
I feel like I am beginning to see clearly again and need to
make decisions that bring my life back into order. This may well be a long
journey but as the heading to this entry states (which was from the reading at
Evening Prayer today): he who endures to the end will be saved.
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