It has been almost three years since I have been on retreat but I have today arrived at the Community of the Resurrection in Mirfield, West Yorkshire. I normally bring my journal (as I have done this time) and write in that but I thought it might be interesting to share a more public version of my reflections.
Why retreat?
There once was a man who got very excited when he had bought
himself a loaf of bread and some jam. He loved jam sandwiches and couldn’t wait
to make himself one when he got home.
As he prepared to make himself a sandwich, there was a knock
at the door. “Could you make me a jam sandwich?” the guest asked. Without
hesitation, he made his guest a sandwich and sent him on his way.
“Now I can make myself a sandwich in peace,” he thought to
himself. As he started to make a sandwich there was another knock at the door.
There stood a young woman who was obviously hungry. “Could you give me something
to eat?” asked the young woman. He gave her the sandwich he had prepared and
sent her on her way with God’s blessing.
Time and time again he made himself a sandwich, and again
there were knocks at the door from guests
who were hungry. He gave the sandwiches away and blessed the guests. He felt
good that he was able to bless so many people but he began to realise that he
was getting very tired and as he went to make himself a sandwich, he noticed
that all his bread was gone and he was left hungry. He began to feel a little frustrated
and angry. “Why is there nothing left for me?” he began to ask as the frustration
grew within him. “I am fed up of giving food to everybody else and having
little or nothing left for me.”
That was perhaps a silly example to use but it does
illustrate what it can feel like to be in ordained ministry as a priest.
Retreat is a time to come away and allow others to make you a jam sandwich, or
at least be sure that if you make a sandwich you will be able to eat it
yourself without being disturbed. You can be fed yourself for a little while.
Thankfully, it is largely expected that clergy will take a
retreat at least annually. Some Dioceses will give at least partial funding to
their clergy to cover the costs and many parishes should be encouraged to cover
the rest of the cost in order to ensure the spiritual health of their clergy.
Why the Community of the Resurrection?
I have been coming here for several years. Truth be told, I
wish I had come here to train but I went somewhere else, largely due to my personal
circumstances at the time. Since ordination, I have regularly come on retreat
here. It has been almost three years since I last came here but as I arrived, it felt like I was only here yesterday.
I don’t remember whether it happened from the very first
time I came here but certainly for the last few years the Community of the
Resurrection has felt like home. As I drive from the M62 into Mirfield and
drive up Stocks Bank Road, I have that feeling of arriving home after a long
absence.
As I sit in the Church for the first time, it feels as
though every worry, every burden is lifted and a still, small voice whispers to
me, “Welcome home, son”. If I sometimes find it hard to remember why I began
this journey that led to my ordination to the priesthood, when I come here I
remember. It is as though when I come here I rediscover who I am and who I am
meant to be. Life makes sense again.
I have wondered before whether I should become more closely
attached to the Community but have never been sure whether that is my vocation
or just the lovely feeling that one gets when one goes on retreat. Perhaps more
conversations to be had to discern this?
So here I am. Day 1. It is Monday and I am here until after
lunch on Friday and so I will try to write a daily post about what has happened
to me here.
Perhaps something in all of this will be encouraging to you.
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