Retreat Diary Day 1 Entry 2

Day one: Don’t walk so fast!

One rarely notices the fast pace of most our lives until one comes away. Thankfully, I have had a few glimpses, experiencing the somewhat slower pace of life in Africa a few times and also from previous visits here.

I pulled into the car park and rang the doorbell, waiting for somebody to open the door and let me in. My name was already on the list with the allocated room number and, having been here several times before, I was able to reassure the lady that opened the door that I knew where the room was and could find my own way. I was home and knew where my bedroom was, so to speak.

Having brought all of my stuff into my room, I hung up my clothes, unpacked my books and decided to go to the Church. The Church is usually the first place I visit: the silence, the stillness is so beautiful, almost seductive, and I sometimes feel that I could stay there all day. I arrived at the Church to find that there wasn’t much stillness. There are various works taking place inside and outside the Church, with tall scaffolding erected inside the Church.

The first place on entering the church from the retreat house side was the Crucifixion Chapel and so I tried to sit. No. Too much noise to find that stillness and hear the still, small voice of God. Through the Blessed Sacrament Chapel and into the side Chapel—Resurrection Chapel—which is rather better protected from noise outside. There I sat in front of a large and beautiful icon of the Resurrection of Christ: the light reflecting beautifully from the gold of the icon as the image of the Resurrected Christ looked at me as much as I looked at it and seemed to say “Behold, I have overcome all things.”

Then back to the retreat house. I had forgotten my Rosary beads and so went to the gift shop to buy a new set and a new book that caught my eye.

What I realised was that I was walking quite quickly from one place to the next, from one thing to the next and I found myself asking myself the question “Why are you moving so quickly?”

As I went to the Church again for Midday Prayer and Mass, I tried to slow my pace, noticing how slowly and gently the Brethren of the Community move. As I sat in the area where guests sit, I looked at the scaffolding and thought to myself, “What a shame that all this is here”. But it was as though that still, small voice uttered into my heart that sometimes such maintenance is required so that things can be beautiful and that this was much like my heart. I had neglected it for far too long and there was a lot of noise and chaos and maintenance that needed to be done.

“Slow down, my child, and allow your heart to be touched and healed by the grace of the One who called you.”

Then to the Mass…the sense of quiet contemplation as we awaited the arrival of the priest. No fuss, no unnecessary embellishments or distractions…just the simplicity of the liturgy done in stillness and reverence. And then some words from the Epistle seemed to jump out as though they were being spoken to me:

¹¹To this end we always pray for you, asking that our God will make you worthy of his call and will fulfil by his power every good resolve and work of faith, ¹²so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Thessalonians 1:11-12)

God will make me worthy of his call and will fulfil by his power all that he wants to do through me. Usually I don’t hear such things speak to me until the third or fourth day of retreat but to have had an experience like this was truly a blessing.

Then to lunch, to some conversation with some other people. I thought I would then go to my room and have a short nap. (It turned out to be an hour and a half. I often find that the first day or sometimes two of a retreat consist mostly of sleeping.)

“Slow down, my child, and allow your heart to be touched and healed by the grace of the One who called you.”

Then came the delightful slowness of Evening Prayer, enjoying joining in with the beautiful plainsong, singing chants that have been used for however many centuries, feeling so connected to the inheritance of faith that has been passed down and into which we step. No need for slogans, initiatives or projects, just the entering in, singing the Psalms and hearing God’s word.

Then back to my room where all is still apart from the gentle call of woodpigeons and the noise of some traffic not so far away. But all is still and today’s communication ends for the evening as I await the beauty of Compline and the Greater Silence, held until 9am tomorrow.

“Slow down, my child, and allow your heart to be touched and healed by the grace of the One who called you.”