It is, of course, natural that people should ask the question, because they are curious and want to know how the experience has shaped me and inspired me, as I begin to think about the next step in the journey of my life, vocation, and ministry. (Three terms that, for me, are synonymous.)
Of course, I can talk about the richness of the experience of working in another province of the Anglican a Communion, and some good and interesting differences in the liturgy. I can talk about the privilege of working in a multi-racial, multi-lingual society. I can talk about the joy that has come from being warmly accepted by all the different groups I have encountered. I can talk about the privilege of being asked to pray with people and bless them, and (in some cases) be with them at some key times, and for the very humbling experience it is when people tell you that your presence (and friendship) has blessed them, when in fact I feel like the one who has been blessed. I can talk about how truly humbling it is when somebody praises your humility, when sometimes you feel so far from the humility that you seek, or put in other words, when people say they see something in you that you do not yet see yourself.
For those to whom I am closer, I might also talk about how I have valued the time and space to pray and reflect following the breakdown of my marriage a year (and a few months) ago, and even to begin to experience some healing, and begin to feel that I am now ready to move on to a position of responsibility in the Church. (As always, I just wish I knew what was next on the horizon.) I could say that I am starting to feel ready to meet somebody new if that is what the Lord wishes to give me. But such conversations are for very few people...
So what have I gained (so far)? I know that I have grown, and been blessed, and that I, in my turn, have blessed. I know that I have learnt more about the world and humanity.
But what annoys me is that we have something of an obsession with results and quantifiable outcomes. It is like we have to justify our very existence by proving what have achieved. It is as though each and every one of our experiences has to have a purpose and a goal. It is as though it is not enough to 'be': there always has to be a 'do' to justify the 'be'.
I want to resist this. I don't want to visit people hoping to achieve something, or go with a set purpose, or have to ask 'what's the point'. I don't want to be so focussed on activity and results that I lose the sense of connection to God's people, and maybe even God himself. I don't want to be so busy that people think they cannot approach me because they don't want to disturb me or bother me with something when I must have something important to do.
I want to 'waste time' with God. I want to 'waste time' in God's Church. And I want to 'waste time' with his people. I will do everything within my power to waste as much time as possible. I will do everything within my power so that people might come to me, and that we might find God in the mess and confusion of our lives. I will do everything I can so that my life, and the lives of those God commits to my care, become that one degree richer because of the encounter. Busy days, even busy weeks and months, will inevitably come and I must respond to these, but know this, I am not going to look for them. They will find me, as they often do, without me looking for them.
So what have I gained from South Africa?
I hope I am a little more mature and developed as a person.
I hope that I am a little stronger than I was.
I hope that I have been a blessing to others as much as they have blessed me.
But only this can I truly say:
I have had an encounter, in which my life has become a degree richer.
If you want to hear more, you might be disappointed.
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